Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship can be a real challenge in even the most successful relationships.  Unfortunately, over time, love can shift from cute notes, hugs and kisses to sarcasm, button-pushing and taking the other person for granted.  While every couple and its problems are unique, there are ways to breathe new life into your relationship.  Here are some tips how you can improve it:

Talk it out. While it's easy to notice when you're having issues, it's a little more difficult to figure out why.  Sit down with your partner and talk candidly about your feelings and concerns.  Put the children to bed, set the cell phone to silent and turn off the TV.  If you can't have a discussion without raising your voice, consider going to a public place to talk.  Rather than dwelling on the past, identify what you can do to improve your relationship for the future.

Stop the blame game. When things are going badly, couples often fall into the "he said, she said" trap.  But to fix your relationship, both of you need to look at how each of you has contributed to the problem.  Do you constantly blame the other person?  Are you open to your partner's feelings and concerns?  Do you ever make sacrifices?  Take joint responsibility for your troubles.  You'll need to work on saving this individually and together.

Take it step by step. You can't fix everything that'’s wrong in one afternoon.  Repairing a relationship is hard work.  Try to tackle one specific problem or area or conflict at a time and celebrate the little victories along the way.  The more minor challenges you overcome, the closer you'll be to a major resolution.

Accept the bad and acknowledge the good. Everyone has annoying habits, strange quirks and different views from your own.  If you try to mold and morph your partner into the person you want him or her to be, then you're going to cause some serious resentment.  Help to bring out the best through acceptance.  Become more positive and find the upside of the little things that bother you.  If your partner loves sports, for example, take the time to acknowledge that this passionate side may also carry over to kids and family.

Continue the courtship. Do the things you used to do when you were first dating.  Complement each other, show interest in the other person's day, give gifts for no reason at all and make the effort to say thank you.  Set aside one evening a week to do something together, just the two of you.  Get dressed up once in awhile.  These simple actions show your appreciation, let your partner know you still value the relationship and above all, help you have fun together again.

Call in the professionals. Be ready and willing to seek help when the going gets too tough.  Counselling can help you identify and resolve a variety of relationship issues that are preventing you from being truly happy.  A neutral person can help you lower the volume on your squabbles and steer the two of you back to a better place.  If you're having any doubts, this will also help you figure out if you should stay and work it out, or move on.

Some couples pride themselves on never fighting, but arguments are both a healthy and necessary part of every relationship.  If conflict has become a daily event, however, you need to make some immediate changes.  Take a good look at yourself and your partner, determine what’s causing tension and identify practical ways to make it work.  Getting through relationship problems – though all-consuming and gut-wrenching at times – can actually help you build a stronger, better partnership based on mutual love, trust and commitment.

Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) offers you support through a variety of resources. You can also visit Concordia Health Services at SGW (GM 200) and Loyola (AD 103).

Shepell-fgi
(24 Hours a day-7 days a week)
English Services: 1-800-387-4765
French Services: 1-800-361-5676

Remember that all contact between you and your EAP counsellor is strictly confidential.